Guys, I really couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.
If there is one thing that I have learned (and relearned, and relearned..) over the past several years, it is that any sort of "security" that is found in any. single. thing. other than my unchanging God - will ultimately fail.
Here is our most recent story of failure.
Because when you step back and look from a far, that is what life really is - isn't it?
A cycle of failure in this fleeting world, which is then gracefully redeemed and turned around by our eternal God.
Something breaks, He fixes it.
Sometimes He sees fit to use me in His fixing process, sometimes His mercy allows the fix to come in spite of me.
But He never fails to fix. To redeem. To restore.
It's who He is.
So in this moment I will share with you a glimpse of a broken place in our life,
with full confidence that it will not remain that way for long.
So, we own a house.
You know, that one that we purchased in Colorado this past January?
(If you haven't read the previous chapters of this ridiculous, beautiful, terrible, incredible journey God has us on - I'll refresh you in brief.)
We bought it, 10am. Two hours later we are informed that we are being sent to VA.
Commence this routine that has become all too familiar in my life;
1) total flesh-driven reaction of fear and panic ,
2) doubt and shock towards God as He patiently loves my forgetful and sinful heart,
3) humble approach back to Him met with grace and mercy,
4) absolute assurance from Him that all is in His sovereign and perfect control,
and
5) the journey moves forward and we witness His goodness and providence and purpose in mind blowing ways
Once this cycle had been worked through in full, we found ourselves in Virginia with complete confidence that He has us here for total purpose, and it is so good.
Guys, let me just pause here to say - the enemy of my soul and yours cannot stand for us to be in that place of purpose and goodness. He does not want to see the unfolding of step five in that cycle. He would very much like for us to be forever stuck in step one and two. Better yet for him if we stay there and then spread the effects of one and two into other peoples lives.
He absolutely intends for his blows to be debilitating, and for them to stop us from ever clinging to our faithful God.
But let me also share with you, sweet friends, that there is absolutely no situation or weapon or emotion or fear or experience that is ever beyond hope of being turned around by our God into something that only solidifies His love for us and our awe of Him.
Whatever thing in your life is being thrown at you in an attempt for evil;
I promise you - more importantly our God promises you - He WILL turn it for good.
Resuming story now,
So this house - we decided to rent it out.
We hired a someone to manage it who had been recommended to us.
She was cheaper than some we had talked to and had found us a higher rental amount than others we spoke to.
She had it rented quickly and easily to someone she claimed to be the dream tenant.
What could go wrong...?
Well, blog people, lots. Lots could and did go wrong.
I do not have all night long to type, and you do not have all the time to read - so for those purposes I will keep it short(er).
It turned into a nightmare.
Things started going very wrong.
We didn't know who was actually living in the house.
It turned out, there was a lot that we didn't know.
Weird things started building up, situations began to not feel right.
And then we didn't receive our October rent.
Next thing we know, we are wrapped up in a weekend full of further chaos as we are informed us that
the tenant is gone, the house has been cleared out, and...oh by the way there are threats of lawsuits against us....against US.
Because apparently they thought the neighbors were mean to them.
At that point our minds were sufficiently blown.
Our wallets drained from paying the unexpected cost of this now vacant property,
and our minds and hearts full of fear.
As the situation progressed and more pieces came to light, they dropped the ridiculous lawsuit talk and we decided to sell the home - as renting no longer sounded appealing but actually, literally made us sick to our stomachs.
At this point Brandon uttered the words that none of us should ever speak aloud
"I honestly don't think anything could surprise me with this situation any more"
My poor, strong, tired, incredible husband.
While fighting to get the keys into the possession of our realtor - we were enlightened by the neighbors to call the police because we may not know all the story.
Again - shortening the story, here is what we found;
Our home had been lived in by many people, who had never been disclosed to us.
It had been raided by the police last month and never reported to us.
Door broken down, the whole deal.
There had been a marijuana grow operation being run from the home which was selling the stuff across state lines and an arrest had been made in connection.
Due to these facts, once we finally got the keys into hands of people we trust - the news was not great.
There had been structural, electrical, water, and ventilation changes made to the home to support this insane activity.
Not to mention roughed up, urine smelling carpet from the multitude of dogs they all shared.
How was this even happening?
How and when did we go from, we just bought a house...to wait, no, we are moving cross country and renting it for a bit... to wait, no, our renter disappeared....to....drug busts and repairs and drained bank accounts??
Insurance doesn't pay for this.
"Property manager" won't pay for it.
Long gone tenant won't pay for it.
Guess who pays for it?...
Never in our lives have we felt so financially crushed.
Never have we been so financially humbled, or reminded of the frailty of possessions,
Never have we realized just how unsecured the popular version of security truly is.
In this exact moment, I truly do not know what this will all end up costing when all is said and done.
I have no clue how long this process will drag on, or when the house will be totally remedied, much less in condition to be sold, and then actually bought and closed on....etc.
But for the very first time, today, I realized and remembered that it isn't the biggest concern in this all.
Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me back to steps three, four, and five.
There was a moment a few days ago when I just collapsed in exhaustion next to Brandon, as we laid down on the bed and stared at each other as if this was all just a really, really bad dream. We just sat there for a moment until I could find some words.
"I just feel, like it has been a while since we have experienced a victory."
I cried to him.
"I just need you to remind me of victories. I need one right now."
I wish that I could describe the strength and compassion in his eyes when he sees me breaking.
It's as though everything inside of him simultaneously breaks for me and with me - while also becoming the strongest version of himself, ready to totally conquer the world in attempt to heal my heart.
He looks at me, I believe, with just the very smallest glimpse of how our God looks at us while we are breaking.
Totally consumed with our aching, yet ready to move mountains for our cure.
He began listing victories -
1) We have a God who loves us.
He is in ultimate control of all of this and none of it surprises Him.
He will work in this and we will be okay.
2) We are a team.
We love each other in an incredible and rare way.
We are not alone in this, we have each others backs and everything we experience is through the vessel of an imperfect but beautifully wonderful marriage.
3) We have a church family that is mind blowing.
This isn't your typical church. We were allowed to be a part of this so quickly after getting here, and the people and the movement God is doing are beyond description.
We aren't alone because we have a strong family that God has brought us to here
.....
He went on for a while until I was somehow smiling and crying and laughing and aching and rejoicing all at the same time.
Emotion is a weird thing.
But guys - so much bigger than emotion, so much bigger than fear;
is our God.
He is in this.
If we lost everything we had, but still had Him, we would still be living in abundance.
That is truth.
That is powerful.
I'm still mid-journey on this one. I don't know the ending or have the answers other than this;
Our situation is known and handled and truly secured by the God who formed this world and knows my heart intimately.
He will be glorified through this.
We will see his goodness.
I don't know what y'all are facing today, but I hope that soaks right into your heart as truth in your story as well.
He knows.
He cares.
He is working.
You are not forgotten.
You are not alone,
You will see victory through Him.
