There's something about new seasons. Something about a fresh start and the gift of yet another chapter in this life that inspires optimism in me. My soul is filled with such joy at the thought of opportunity and the thought of beginning to build, once again, as we begin to follow, once again.
Optimism, however, can be misleading - encouraging us to focus on our own merits.
In the same breath that draws in a sense of hope and expectation, I am often also prone to breath in an air of fear and of anxiety about the very same change. The idea of leaving comfort and familiarity for foreign territory is frightening, and as I walk through the transition, my soul is frequently fighting off a pessimistic spirit telling me that the best is in the past.
Pessimism, however, is deceiving - encouraging us to focus on this worlds failures.
Such inconsistent beings, we are. So half-hearted and prone to confliction in our flesh.
Thank goodness my Savior is unwavering.
Our move over the weekend could have gone flawlessly. We could have pulled up to the new house and uneventfully settled right in. It could have been a quiet occasion that we wouldn't remember years down the road. It could have been easy.
Thank goodness my Savior loves me too much for "easy".
On Friday, we arrived at the new house in Virginia. The original plan had been to casually receive our shipment of possessions that had been on a semi-truck in transit for the past 10 days. We would meet up with an old, amazing friend who lived about an hour and a half away, he would help us quickly unload said trailer, and then we would probably spend the rest of the time with him sipping sweet tea on the front porch and catching up on life. You know, typical moving day stuff...right?
Friday morning, Brandon ended up having to go in to work. I arrived at the house and assured him that I could receive our shipment on my own and we could meet with our friend and the help that he had secured for us once Brandon returned from work.
About ten minutes after Brandon left, the truck driver arrived. In his semi- truck. On our rural Virginia back roads. In front of our new ridiculously steep grade driveway.
As Semi Guy pulled in front of the home, he slowed to a stop and looked at me as if I must have been playing a practical joke on him.
"There's no way I am getting this truck up that driveway, ma'am"
We began to run through options.
The street was too narrow for him to make the necessary turn in his giant semi into our driveway, forward or backwards.
But he tried, repeatedly, for almost an hour.
Then he tried to drive up the side yard through the grass that was slightly less steep.
Still not working.
"Sorry, ma'am, really, but this isn't going to work. The trailer will need to go back to its warehouse." (an hour-ish away) You can pick up your things there and transfer them into a uhaul and drive them back here to the house and unload like that.
Okay.
Not ideal.
Not how I wanted the day to go, or how I wanted our friend and his recruited help to have to spend their days.
"Gotchya. Are you sure there is nothing else you can think of to do, Semi Guy?"
"Well, maybe if I pull off the road enough that cars can still get by....."
At this point, standing in the road in my pajamas, no make up, frizzy humidity stricken hair, it begins to rain.
"This will work, hopefully, its got to."
Semi Guy pulls off the road. He gets out of his truck and props up the slightly leaning trailer on a log near by. He looks at me, gets back in his truck, and disconnects the truck head from the trailer.
More leaning.
"Not going to work" we agree.
Semi Guy gets back in the truck, and begins to back up to reattach the truck head.
In that moment, as the truck approached the trailer, as I stood like a messy little girl in the rain, I watched as the trailer with all of our belongings began to slip...off the stable ground, and into a shallow ditch at the side of the road, landing diagonally against a neighboring bank - which thankfully kept it from taking out the nearby power line.
Semi Guy got out of the truck franticly. He said a lot of words. A lot of them were unpleasant.
He began to explain how he could lose his job in connection with this accident.
I stood frozen and wondered if this was some sort of anxiety induced bad dream preceding the actual moving day.
Cue lots of phone calls from Semi Guy while he figures out what to do next.
No way to get a hold of Brandon, by myself in a place I had spent only hours in, standing outside in the rain with Semi Guy, feeling like I had cost him his job, it is safe to say that this was one of the lonelier feeling moments in my life.
I called hour-and-a-half-away-incredible-old-friend.
"HEYYYYY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" as he picks up the phone.
I proceed to explain the situation to him, keeping some fragment of composure as I tell him not to leave his house yet because the situation is...somewhat indefinite.
Without any hesitation, he informs me of a gal he knows nearby who could be there in a heart beat to keep me company.
I declined, feeling like my current self was no where near first impression ready.
Again without hesitation, he informs me that he is on his way. Leaving that moment.
I cried.
Hour-and-a-half-away-friend would leave his house and be there in one hour.
I hung up with him, called my mother-in-law, and cried more.
"I don't understand, why does everything have to be complicated?? Why can nothing be simple, nothing can be easy?? I don't get it"
She didn't either. She listened, and comforted, and allowed me to vent for a time - and then, when the time was right, stepped into full on mothering mode as she proceeded with advice and truth.
"Well first of all, call back and say that you have changed your mind, and that you want to meet that new friend regardless of your current messiness. You need a friend right now, that is more important. And second, allow yourself time to be upset about this and be frustrated and cry, and then allow yourself to stop. Brandon isn't home, you have to handle this. You have to figure this out."
Gulp.
As I got off the phone with her and spoke to God about why He was allowing the move to be so... eventful, I felt the battle in my soul between peace and chaos. His peace was flooding though. It was louder and stronger and more powerful.
I pulled myself together and text Hour-and-a-half-away-friend.
"I changed my mind, I could use a friend. See if she can come now"
Within minutes, I was walking out my front door to find New Friend standing in the rain under her umbrella, talking to Semi Guy and getting the full scoop. She introduced herself and her son and immediately began throwing out ideas and suggestions, making phone calls and texting people for favors. Suddenly, I wasn't so alone after all.
She helped arrange for the trailer to be parked on a property owned by someone she knew, just a couple miles from our house, rather than back at the station an hour away.
Brandon got home and hugged me tight.
Incredible Friend arrived much sooner than a map would tell you he should have been able to.
New Friend stood by my side and kept me company through out it all.
We picked up a uhaul, met the Legacy Church Pastor at the trailer, and the 5 of us began the process of moving things from the trailer to the uhaul.
The rest of the day that followed was like any other moving day, except better.
New Friend introduced me to the best fried chicken I have ever eaten in my life - sold in the scariest looking building I have ever bought food from. She comforted me, and processed with me, and jumped into finding a solution. She took me in my messy state, and said I still had value. She demonstrated the totally beautiful grace of God to a complete stranger.
Hour-and-a-half-away-incredible-old-friend has known Brandon and I since middle school, and He is the kind of guy you want around pretty much anytime, but especially in chaos.
God put some sort of light in him that just make everything brighter. He is gifted with something about him that just makes you remember that God is love. That is a really cool gift to have.
Brandon was the husband that he always continues to be in the highs and the lows. He was fighting the chaos but focused on God's providence. He was processing the newness, but looking out for my heart. He was constant in his affection and unrelenting in his understanding.
Legacy Church Pastor was epitomizing a servants heart, as he did a lot of the heavier lifting and the higher up reaches and the back and forth trips - without having ever met us before in his life. He simply heard of a need, and showed up to meet it.
Beyond all of that though, at the end of the day, as I spoke to God about how drastically different things had gone from how I pictured and wanted - He revealed more of Himself to me, and that alone would have been worth any struggle.
He reminded me of some sweetly simple truths through that rainy crazy Friday.
That even in the moments when I feel alone, He is there.
Even in the times when things seem messy, He is moving.
Even in the seasons I am lacking, He is providing.
When I call to Him, He answers.
When earthly possessions fall, He doesn't.
When I feel weak, He is strong.
When I need love, He is love, and He is manifesting that for us no matter where we are.
Even in the times when events aren't easy, they have purpose.
Because things weren't easy, they were foundational.
In order for something to be a surface that can be built on, it must be forged rock-solid.
So the move could have been painless, but instead it was purifying.
It allowed for Brandon and I to figure out from day 1 in Virginia that regardless of where life is being done, God is near and providing and walking it with us, strengthening us in Him.
It allowed a chance to meet New Friend in a vulnerable and real way, connecting quickly over the events taking place.
It provided a chance to trust. A chance to remember that our security isn't in our possessions, or our location, or our family, or even each other - but ultimately and exclusively in God alone.
What a beautiful way to begin a journey. I wouldn't have it any other way.
If I could choose now, I wouldn't choose the easy way.
I feel Him working here, and I am expectant over the future He is forging through the trial and the triumph.
In every breath I take, whether the air around me be infused with optimism, pessimism, or an uncomfortable mix of the two, I want my lungs to be ultimately filled with the only thing that sustains.
Faith.
Optimism can mislead. Pessimism does deceive.
Faith, however, frees - encouraging us to focus on the only one who holds this crazy world in His hands.
"Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:19
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