God of the impossible; God of the PROMISE

It’s hard to explain the ache of infertility, as with most things in life - words can’t convey the exact same emotion as living it out.

But - I wanted, still, to take the chance to detail the journey that has led up to this new life in me -
because even if the journey is different; the tactics of the enemy, and my tendencies toward emotion in it all, are probably all too familiar to you. 

And the God who has intervened and redeemed in my story is the same one who is pursuing you in yours.

He is consistent, even if our circumstances vary.

So I don't know to what degree the concept of infertility hits you; but I would be willing to wager that you and I could stand arm in arm with a lot of the struggles that can fall within it.

longing. searching. identity. comparison. value. worth. adequacy. control. defeat.

These are the traps that were frequently set before Brandon and I over the course of the past five years.

Some days; we stood firm in hope and faith and trust in who God is and what that means to us.
Some days; we fell at His feet and begged for His comfort in our weakness.

Through it all - we have seen first hand the demonstration of just how sovereign and merciful He is,

And His grace has been poured out time and time again.

For every seeming defeat that He has allowed us to experience;

Not one has ever been left unredeemed.

Every tear has been wiped.

Every prayer has been heard.

Every question and doubt - understood and forgiven.

We do not deserve the way that He has held us through our seasons of naive confusion and entitlement; but even still He spoke promise within it.

But I'm getting ahead of myself....

Here's our story:

Brandon and I had been married for about 4 years when we decided that we were ready.

We wanted a family, and as we watched friends around us get pregnant and birth their children - we expected a quick answer as well.

We wanted a family. But it wasn’t happening.

After about 8 months of trying - we scheduled a doctors appointment to begin figuring out what was going on.

I remember waking up on New Year’s Day, with the upcoming appointment with a specialist set -

and immediately, I rolled over into Brandon’s strong and constantly ready arms and just started sobbing and said - “this is the year we will find out that we can’t have kids”

He held me, wiped my tears, and as we talked we began to understand that our story might be different.

I’ll never forget the outcome from specialist. All the appointments themselves kind of blur together; but it was the moment alone at home after all the chaos that has stuck with me through all these years.

I've found that moments of emotion left unchecked can scar;

but moments of emotion before God leave memorials of worship.

I didn't know at the time, this moment would be one of those memorials.

We had found out that there were problems on both ends, for Brandon and for me, and that between the two - it wasn’t likely - according to doctors - that we would ever naturally conceive a child of our own.

I went home, collapsed in a mess on my bed, and for the first time in my life to that point, I scream cried every bit of my heart out to the Lord.

No holding back. Just raw emotion and questions spewed out to Him - all the while with an underlying confession of His sovereignty - but also a very honest offering of my questions. And in His grace and patience and love - He listened.

Through heavy tears, and into the temporary comfort of the blanket I had clung to, I mustered out an incredibly honest and broken prayer to the Lord - that was likely indistinguishable to anyone other than Him - of just exactly how torn apart my heart was, how defective I felt, how confused I was, and how much I believed His promise that He loved me - but I really didn’t feel it in that moment.

I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to raise a child. I wanted to teach that child who He is, and I wanted to share the journey with the man I am madly in love with. To not have those things felt like a piece of me was being ripped away - it felt, unfair.

Oh how little I understood about fairness in those moments. The mercy I have received goes far beyond fair.

But in my confusion, I coupled my confessions of hurt with acknowledgement of who He said He was and asked Him to remedy in my shattered heart how my circumstances and His goodness overlapped. Because I knew they did - even if I couldn't feel it.

And we spent hours there together in the tension and the longing and the wrestling of my heart - as He worked to break my mindset from earthly to eternal focus.... a process I believe He will still be working in me for the entirely of my life.

And that afternoon is one of my prime memories of heartache, but it is also one of my top most identifiable moments of comfort and peace that I can reach back and still feel.

I spoke (wailed) and He listened.

I emptied my heart out; and I wasn't left empty handed.

I was given direction - that included pieces of motherhood that I still needed to have redeemed in my life;

as well as a promise - that regardless of what the doctors had said;

We would have children. But not yet.

And for the next five years - He showed us mercy and grace in the journey that we could have never deserved. 

We pressed in to Him earnestly, yet imperfectly, in an attempt to know his truth over the painful lies that come with an seemingly infertile journey.

We prayed for direction and tried our best to follow.

We ask for boundaries and paid close attention to where He gave green lights and where He said no.

And the common theme - the common crazy grace that I still can’t remedy in my mind - is that in all our failures and our doubts and our humanity - He never stopped speaking into it.

His voice was never removed from our journey. We were never without His presence in the fight.

Over the course of that five years we would pray about children and consistently hear from Him that same answer - “not yet”.

We would pursue treatment and watch Him close the doors. We were offered procedures which He said were unnecessary.

"I will. But not yet"

So we waited on Him.

And every so often along the way; usually right about the time that deepest pains would creep back in - God would send people into our lives to encourage and uplift us.

And over the years several consistent warriors of intercession, who prayed, would reach out again to say that God told them once more that we would be pregnant.

And they would continually remind us, in completely Spirit-birthed moments, of those promises.

So we would wait.

And in the waiting - a few years back, He took us on a detour out here to Virginia.

(That’s a story all on its own. It's a different blog post. Check out others to read that beautiful and undeserved rollercoaster of surprises and grace....)

But we got here; and in His sovereignty, He allowed us to be a part of a church plant that gave us glimpses of the Kingdom.

He allowed me to take a position in building and leading the youth ministry here - again, completely undeserved grace that I cannot explain - but in that process we had so many moments of seeing the beauty there is when God withholds.

He allowed us to make a home and put the coolest roots down in a place we didn't know existed.

We have been allowed, and daily enjoy, the front row seat to watch His hand in the lives of teens; changing and transforming their journeys with His same redemptive love.

The twists are never without purpose, and no season is wasted in His hands.

We realized quickly that we would not have jumped into this role within student ministry - wouldn’t have had our whole lives and hearts changed by His students and His families - had it not been for the withholding of what we thought we wanted in that moment.

Because He said "not yet" to pregnancy;

that meant He had an alternative.

And His alternatives are never lesser; because He is the creator and sustainer of our hearts; and no one knows better than Him what we need.

We need this.

Our hearts, souls, spirits, and stories - our marriage and the child that we would one day birth - needed the ministry that God had told us to dive into first.

Hallelujah. Thank you Jesus for knowing [so much better than I do] my yesterdays, todays, and tomorrows.

So we resolved to be faithful, as much as possible, with what He labeled right now.

And hopeful, as much as possible, with what He labeled not yet.

And then;

In April of this year we had a chemical pregnancy.

(That is a pregnancy that starts but doesn't stick; and it was only enough to spark a positive test and then fail.)

After 5 years of negative tests, we got a couple positives and I thought this was it... only to find out a few days later that it was not.

We were devastated.

We cried and we worshiped and we asked the same hard questions and demonstrated the same small faith that our God had so patiently began rewriting all those years ago.

And we spent an entire week together sitting in the confusing and helping each other to fall back into worship and prayer and the eager and desperate seeking of who God is in pain, again.

And what we found that week was His answer - scribbled in my prayer journals as promise from Him - that He was preforming a necessary healing of old wounds that could only be done by opening them again;

AND that He was simultaneously using that process to also bring us to a doctor that we needed to see.

So I called a clinic I had never seen, and scheduled with the first doctor available - who in turn -  told me of a medication that He wanted me to start.

I don't like to sugarcoat my spiritual ignorance; so in the spirit of full honesty - I spent about 10 days NOT filling the prescription and feeling like it wouldn’t matter, that my time would likely never come, and instead, considering calling in a request for birth control to ease some of the hormonal effects of my condition and give up on the child portion completely.

Luckily (by the grace of God) I have a husband who leads me to the Lord so well; and he recommended that I spend time in prayer before making that phone call.

And as I did, God gently yet firmly reminded me that He had allowed the events of the previous cycle to take place to lead specifically to this doctor and to this point in the journey for a reason; not for me to turn and run.

He said stay the course.

So, I began the medication. Not knowing that I had already conceived; and this medication would be used to sustain what was placed in my womb.

A couple weeks later Brandon and I took Joel (our brother, rarest and deepest kind of friend, and my ministry intern) and headed off to a retreat happening out in Nashville for an awesome organization, called Intern Academy, that trains up and equips seasoned leaders and upcoming interns for ministry leadership.

On the last day, a girl at the retreat who had heard my story came and asked to pray with me.

She said a couple years back at the retreat she had shared about some miscarriages she had; and someone prayed over her and asked the Lord for a child and she got pregnant that month.

It sounded like an awesome story, for her, but I can see looking back on that moment how incredibly hardened my heart had become to the belief of the impossible in my own life.

But she said all weekend God had been telling her that He wanted that for me, and that she needed to pray for me the way others had for her.

So I agreed, and she prayed, and she asked God for a child, and after sitting before the Lord in tears - and we all left.

That very night, I found out I was pregnant.

And every day since, the Lord has been teaching me new dimensions of His glory.

New truths about my dependence on Him.

New reminders that He is the giver and sustainer of life.

And sweet affirmations, even in the sin of my fear, that nothing is as fragile as He is strong.

I am 8 weeks pregnant currently. Which is sooner than a lot of people choose to announce - due to the rate of miscarriage before 12 weeks.

But what I have found to be true about my God overshadows the customs of our culture and enables me to proclaim His goodness in the moment; even if I cannot see around the corner.

My God loves me. And He gives incredibly good gifts - even ones that seem impossible.

And when moths and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal; He brings beauty to the darkest places.

So, I will gladly take you to the mountaintop moments with me;

and should I have to cross the valley -

I will vocally and publicly praise Him there as well.

My God is a redeeming God. Who takes the very worst things that could ever happen in life and somehow turns them around for His glory and our good.

It’s what He did on the cross for our salvation.

It’s what He has done with 100 different storylines in our journey.

And regardless of the timeline or outcome of this pregnancy- it’s what He will do here.

Because it’s who He is.

We are anticipating and expecting to welcome into this world - a child whose entire being will speak to the power and provision of God for all of eternity.

And however that looks; we can praise our God in the midst.

And we wrote this account, partially because we want you to know, of course, that we are expecting a little one to join us in January.

But far more than that we want you to know that there is no darkness that cannot be lit up by the God who is above all.

With Him - no thing is impossible.

Whatever we walk through; it’s for His glory.

And whatever He does; it’s in His love.

My prayer is that you experience and cling to both of those concrete truths in your story, as well.

Psalm 145.

Drug Bust in Our Rental Property; And Other Recent Adventures...

Guys, I really couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.



If there is one thing that I have learned (and relearned, and relearned..) over the past several years, it is that any sort of "security" that is found in any. single. thing. other than my unchanging God - will ultimately fail.



Here is our most recent story of failure.
Because when you step back and look from a far, that is what life really is - isn't it?
A cycle of failure in this fleeting world, which is then gracefully redeemed and turned around by our eternal God.
Something breaks, He fixes it.
Sometimes He sees fit to use me in His fixing process, sometimes His mercy allows the fix to come in spite of me.
But He never fails to fix. To redeem. To restore.

It's who He is.

So in this moment I will share with you a glimpse of a broken place in our life,
with full confidence that it will not remain that way for long.






So, we own a house.

You know, that one that we purchased in Colorado this past January?

(If you haven't read the previous chapters of this ridiculous, beautiful, terrible, incredible journey God has us on - I'll refresh you in brief.)

We bought it, 10am. Two hours later we are informed that we are being sent to VA.

Commence this routine that has become all too familiar in my life;

1) total flesh-driven reaction of fear and panic ,
2) doubt and shock towards God as He patiently loves my forgetful and sinful heart,
3) humble approach back to Him met with grace and mercy,
4) absolute assurance from Him that all is in His sovereign and perfect control,
and
5) the journey moves forward and we witness His goodness and providence and purpose in mind blowing ways

Once this cycle had been worked through in full, we found ourselves in Virginia with complete confidence that He has us here for total purpose, and it is so good.


Guys, let me just pause here to say - the enemy of my soul and yours cannot stand for us to be in that place of purpose and goodness. He does not want to see the unfolding of step five in that cycle. He would very much like for us to be forever stuck in step one and two. Better yet for him if we stay there and then spread the effects of one and two into other peoples lives.

He absolutely intends for his blows to be debilitating, and for them to stop us from ever clinging to our faithful God.

But let me also share with you, sweet friends, that there is absolutely no situation or weapon or emotion or fear or experience that is ever beyond hope of being turned around by our God into something that only solidifies His love for us and our awe of Him.

Whatever thing in your life is being thrown at you in an attempt for evil;
I promise you - more importantly our God promises you - He WILL turn it for good.



Resuming story now,



So this house - we decided to rent it out.
We hired a someone to manage it who had been recommended to us.
She was cheaper than some we had talked to and had found us a higher rental amount than others we spoke to.
She had it rented quickly and easily to someone she claimed to be the dream tenant.

What could go wrong...?

Well, blog people, lots. Lots could and did go wrong.

I do not have all night long to type, and you do not have all the time to read - so for those purposes I will keep it short(er).

It turned into a nightmare.
Things started going very wrong.
We didn't know who was actually living in the house.
It turned out, there was a lot that we didn't know.

Weird things started building up, situations began to not feel right.

And then we didn't receive our October rent.

Next thing we know, we are wrapped up in a weekend full of further chaos as we are informed us that
the tenant is gone, the house has been cleared out, and...oh by the way there are threats of lawsuits against us....against US.
Because apparently they thought the neighbors were mean to them.
At that point our minds were sufficiently blown.
Our wallets drained from paying the unexpected cost of this now vacant property,
and our minds and hearts full of fear.

As the situation progressed and more pieces came to light, they dropped the ridiculous lawsuit talk and we decided to sell the home - as renting no longer sounded appealing but actually, literally made us sick to our stomachs.



At this point Brandon uttered the words that none of us should ever speak aloud



"I honestly don't think anything could surprise me with this situation any more"



My poor, strong, tired, incredible husband.



While fighting to get the keys into the possession of our realtor - we were enlightened by the neighbors to call the police because we may not know all the story.



Again - shortening the story, here is what we found;



Our home had been lived in by many people, who had never been disclosed to us.
It had been raided by the police last month and never reported to us.
Door broken down, the whole deal.
There had been a marijuana grow operation being run from the home which was selling the stuff across state lines and an arrest had been made in connection.

Due to these facts, once we finally got the keys into hands of people we trust - the news was not great.

There had been structural, electrical, water, and ventilation changes made to the home to support this insane activity.

Not to mention roughed up, urine smelling carpet from the multitude of dogs they all shared.

How was this even happening?

How and when did we go from, we just bought a house...to wait, no, we are moving cross country and renting it for a bit... to wait, no, our renter disappeared....to....drug busts and repairs and drained bank accounts??

Insurance doesn't pay for this.
"Property manager" won't pay for it.
Long gone tenant won't pay for it.

Guess who pays for it?...




Never in our lives have we felt so financially crushed.
Never have we been so financially humbled, or reminded of the frailty of possessions,
Never have we realized just how unsecured the popular version of security truly is.




In this exact moment, I truly do not know what this will all end up costing when all is said and done.
I have no clue how long this process will drag on, or when the house will be totally remedied, much less in condition to be sold, and then actually bought and closed on....etc.
But for the very first time, today, I realized and remembered that it isn't the biggest concern in this all.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me back to steps three, four, and five.






There was a moment a few days ago when I just collapsed in exhaustion next to Brandon, as we laid down on the bed and stared at each other as if this was all just a really, really bad dream. We just sat there for a moment until I could find some words.

"I just feel, like it has been a while since we have experienced a victory."
I cried to him.
"I just need you to remind me of victories. I need one right now."



I wish that I could describe the strength and compassion in his eyes when he sees me breaking.


It's as though everything inside of him simultaneously breaks for me and with me - while also becoming the strongest version of himself, ready to totally conquer the world in attempt to heal my heart.

He looks at me, I believe, with just the very smallest glimpse of how our God looks at us while we are breaking.

Totally consumed with our aching, yet ready to move mountains for our cure.





He began listing victories -

1) We have a God who loves us.

He is in ultimate control of all of this and none of it surprises Him.

He will work in this and we will be okay.

2) We are a team.

We love each other in an incredible and rare way.

We are not alone in this, we have each others backs and everything we experience is through the vessel of an imperfect but beautifully wonderful marriage.

3) We have a church family that is mind blowing.

This isn't your typical church. We were allowed to be a part of this so quickly after getting here, and the people and the movement God is doing are beyond description.

We aren't alone because we have a strong family that God has brought us to here


.....


He went on for a while until I was somehow smiling and crying and laughing and aching and rejoicing all at the same time.

Emotion is a weird thing.

But guys - so much bigger than emotion, so much bigger than fear;
is our God.

He is in this.
If we lost everything we had, but still had Him, we would still be living in abundance.

That is truth.
That is powerful.




I'm still mid-journey on this one. I don't know the ending or have the answers other than this;


Our situation is known and handled and truly secured by the God who formed this world and knows my heart intimately.
He will be glorified through this.
We will see his goodness.


I don't know what y'all are facing today, but I hope that soaks right into your heart as truth in your story as well.


He knows.
He cares.
He is working.
You are not forgotten.
You are not alone,
You will see victory through Him.

Moving Day & Our Trailer in a Ditch

There's something about new seasons.  Something about a fresh start and the gift of yet another chapter in this life that inspires optimism in me.  My soul is filled with such joy at the thought of opportunity and the thought of beginning to build, once again, as we begin to follow, once again.

Optimism, however, can be misleading - encouraging us to focus on our own merits.

In the same breath that draws in a sense of hope and expectation, I am often also prone to breath in an air of fear and of anxiety about the very same change.  The idea of leaving comfort and familiarity for foreign territory is frightening, and as I walk through the transition, my soul is frequently fighting off a pessimistic spirit telling me that the best is in the past.

Pessimism, however, is deceiving - encouraging us to focus on this worlds failures.

Such inconsistent beings, we are.  So half-hearted and prone to confliction in our flesh.

Thank goodness my Savior is unwavering.



Our move over the weekend could have gone flawlessly.  We could have pulled up to the new house and uneventfully settled right in.  It could have been a quiet occasion that we wouldn't remember years down the road.  It could have been easy.

Thank goodness my Savior loves me too much for "easy".

On Friday, we arrived at the new house in Virginia.  The original plan had been to casually receive our shipment of possessions that had been on a semi-truck in transit for the past 10 days. We would meet up with an old, amazing friend who lived about an hour and a half away, he would help us quickly unload said trailer, and then we would probably spend the rest of the time with him sipping sweet tea on the front porch and catching up on life.  You know, typical moving day stuff...right?

Friday morning, Brandon ended up having to go in to work.  I arrived at the house and assured him that I could receive our shipment on my own and we could meet with our friend and the help that he had secured for us once Brandon returned from work.

About ten minutes after Brandon left, the truck driver arrived. In his semi- truck. On our rural Virginia back roads.  In front of our new ridiculously steep grade driveway.

As Semi Guy pulled in front of the home, he slowed to a stop and looked at me as if I must have been playing a practical joke on him.

"There's no way I am getting this truck up that driveway, ma'am"

We began to run through options.

The street was too narrow for him to make the necessary turn in his giant semi into our driveway, forward or backwards.

But he tried, repeatedly, for almost an hour.

Then he tried to drive up the side yard through the grass that was slightly less steep.

Still not working.

"Sorry, ma'am, really, but this isn't going to work.  The trailer will need to go back to its warehouse." (an hour-ish away)  You can pick up your things there and transfer them into a uhaul and drive them back here to the house and unload like that.

Okay.

Not ideal.

Not how I wanted the day to go, or how I wanted our friend and his recruited help to have to spend their days.

"Gotchya. Are you sure there is nothing else you can think of to do, Semi Guy?"

"Well, maybe if I pull off the road enough that cars can still get by....."

At this point, standing in the road in my pajamas, no make up, frizzy humidity stricken hair, it begins to rain.

"This will work, hopefully, its got to."

Semi Guy pulls off the road. He gets out of his truck and props up the slightly leaning trailer on a log near by. He looks at me, gets back in his truck, and disconnects the truck head from the trailer.

More leaning.

"Not going to work" we agree.

Semi Guy gets back in the truck, and begins to back up to reattach the truck head.

In that moment, as the truck approached the trailer, as I stood like a messy little girl in the rain, I watched as the trailer with all of our belongings began to slip...off the stable ground, and into a shallow ditch at the side of the road, landing diagonally against a neighboring bank - which thankfully kept it from taking out the nearby power line.

Semi Guy got out of the truck franticly. He said a lot of words. A lot of them were unpleasant.
He began to explain how he could lose his job in connection with this accident.

I stood frozen and wondered if this was some sort of anxiety induced bad dream preceding the actual moving day.

Cue lots of phone calls from Semi Guy while he figures out what to do next.

No way to get a hold of Brandon, by myself in a place I had spent only hours in, standing outside in the rain with Semi Guy, feeling like I had cost him his job, it is safe to say that this was one of the lonelier feeling moments in my life.

I called hour-and-a-half-away-incredible-old-friend.

"HEYYYYY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" as he picks up the phone.

I proceed to explain the situation to him, keeping some fragment of composure as I tell him not to leave his house yet because the situation is...somewhat indefinite.

Without any hesitation, he informs me of a gal he knows nearby who could be there in a heart beat to keep me company.

I declined, feeling like my current self was no where near first impression ready.

Again without hesitation, he informs me that he is on his way. Leaving that moment.

I cried.

Hour-and-a-half-away-friend would leave his house and be there in one hour.

I hung up with him, called my mother-in-law, and cried more.

"I don't understand, why does everything have to be complicated?? Why can nothing be simple, nothing can be easy?? I don't get it"

She didn't either. She listened, and comforted, and allowed me to vent for a time - and then, when the time was right, stepped into full on mothering mode as she proceeded with advice and truth.

"Well first of all, call back and say that you have changed your mind, and that you want to meet that new friend regardless of your current messiness. You need a friend right now, that is more important.  And second, allow yourself time to be upset about this and be frustrated and cry, and then allow yourself to stop.  Brandon isn't home, you have to handle this. You have to figure this out."

Gulp.

As I got off the phone with her and spoke to God about why He was allowing the move to be so... eventful, I felt the battle in my soul between peace and chaos. His peace was flooding though. It was louder and stronger and more powerful.

I pulled myself together and text Hour-and-a-half-away-friend.

"I changed my mind, I could use a friend.  See if she can come now"

Within minutes, I was walking out my front door to find New Friend standing in the rain under her umbrella, talking to Semi Guy and getting the full scoop. She introduced herself and her son and immediately began throwing out ideas and suggestions, making phone calls and texting people for favors.  Suddenly, I wasn't so alone after all.

She helped arrange for the trailer to be parked on a property owned by someone she knew, just a couple miles from our house, rather than back at the station an hour away.

Brandon got home and hugged me tight.
Incredible Friend arrived much sooner than a map would tell you he should have been able to.
New Friend stood by my side and kept me company through out it all.

We picked up a uhaul, met the Legacy Church Pastor at the trailer, and the 5 of us began the process of moving things from the trailer to the uhaul.

The rest of the day that followed was like any other moving day, except better.

New Friend introduced me to the best fried chicken I have ever eaten in my life - sold in the scariest looking building I have ever bought food from. She comforted me, and processed with me, and jumped into finding a solution.  She took me in my messy state, and said I still had value.  She demonstrated the totally beautiful grace of God to a complete stranger.

Hour-and-a-half-away-incredible-old-friend has known Brandon and I since middle school, and He is the kind of guy you want around pretty much anytime, but especially in chaos.
God put some sort of light in him that just make everything brighter. He is gifted with something about him that just makes you remember that God is love. That is a really cool gift to have.

Brandon was the husband that he always continues to be in the highs and the lows. He was fighting the chaos but focused on God's providence.  He was processing the newness, but looking out for my heart. He was constant in his affection and unrelenting in his understanding.
Legacy Church Pastor was epitomizing a servants heart, as he did a lot of the heavier lifting and the higher up reaches and the back and forth trips - without having ever met us before in his life.  He simply heard of a need, and showed up to meet it.
Beyond all of that though, at the end of the day, as I spoke to God about how drastically different things had gone from how I pictured and wanted - He revealed more of Himself to me, and that alone would have been worth any struggle.
He reminded me of some sweetly simple truths through that rainy crazy Friday.

That even in the moments when I feel alone, He is there.
Even in the times when things seem messy, He is moving.
Even in the seasons I am lacking, He is providing.
When I call to Him, He answers.
When earthly possessions fall, He doesn't.
When I feel weak, He is strong.
When I need love, He is love, and He is manifesting that for us no matter where we are.

Even in the times when events aren't easy, they have purpose.
Because things weren't easy, they were foundational.

In order for something to be a surface that can be built on, it must be forged rock-solid.

So the move could have been painless, but instead it was purifying.


It allowed for Brandon and I to figure out from day 1 in Virginia that regardless of where life is being done, God is near and providing and walking it with us, strengthening us in Him.

It allowed a chance to meet New Friend in a vulnerable and real way, connecting quickly over the events taking place.

It provided a chance to trust. A chance to remember that our security isn't in our possessions, or our location, or our family, or even each other - but ultimately and exclusively in God alone.
What a beautiful way to begin a journey. I wouldn't have it any other way.

If I could choose now, I wouldn't choose the easy way.
I feel Him working here, and I am expectant over the future He is forging through the trial and the triumph.


In every breath I take, whether the air around me be infused with optimism, pessimism, or an uncomfortable mix of the two, I want my lungs to be ultimately filled with the only thing that sustains.
Faith.

Optimism can mislead. Pessimism does deceive.

Faith, however, frees - encouraging us to focus on the only one who holds this crazy world in His hands.













"Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:19